In Which I Punch Them In The Face
Wow! Kind of violent coming from a peace-loving girl like myself, don't you think? But it was about my boy, you see---he was riding his bike in the park and maybe it was because his helmet was on or maybe it was because the other boys were a little too far away. But when they tried to strike up a conversation or asked a question or whatever it was, my boy couldn't hear them. And so after several times of asking "what?" and likely desperately trying to make out what was being said or even attempting to guess and maybe fill in an answer, they laughed at him. Maybe it was just a chuckle amongst themselves, a murmured laugh and a shared look. Whatever it was, it broke his heart. And he came home, relaying the story, thinking he could just tell it. But then he cried, from the depths of his heart, he cried for maybe three minutes and said, "I wish I wasn't this way." Deaf, he meant. Different. Not part of the crowd. His anguish spilled out, and then he pulled himself together. But it's there. Still there, and how do I convince him that he's worth 100 of them, that he's luckier than most people on this earth because he's kind and compassionate and empathic and caring? How do I convince him that really there are so many people out there who battle worse disabilities than his, who live broken lives with no hope, and he's fortunate? I don't want to diminish or minimize his very real struggle. But I want him to have a perspective of hope and possibility. It's a hard age. It's a hard time to be different. It's a hard time to parent a child who maybe stands out a little because he's not exactly like all the other kids---but mostly he stands out because he's a stellar human being. Unlike those boys. Whom I want to...well, you know.
17 Comments:
If you would like to maintain your role model mother, peace-lovin' status, I'll go punch them in the face and keep your good name unsullied.
:(
6:12 AM, September 16, 2008
oh, thank you very much. Let me know when you're available :)
7:35 AM, September 16, 2008
Oh, man. Where are they? I will kill them all. I know kids are kids, but oh man. I don't know how you can stand it. I'm only his aunt and my blood is boiling. Actually, it's just making me cry. The thing about him is, he is soooo good and kind and sweet. In a million years he wouldn't do that to someone else. It wouldn't matter if someone had a horn sticking out the top of his head, he would do all he could to make sure the person never felt self-conscious. If the person mentioned it, he'd say, "Oh, it's not bad. Besides, I bet you can poke your brother with it," or something, to make the person feel good. Oh, the little injustices of life that you just cannot protect them from. :-(
10:46 AM, September 16, 2008
your comment made me laugh, and laughing is good. It's better than crying, which is how I feel too when I think of this. But hopefully it's true that what doesn't take us down will make us stronger...? I hope so.
12:35 PM, September 16, 2008
I'm available anytime for such work. It takes precedence over whatever else I may be working on.
12:40 PM, September 16, 2008
I say hire heatherfeather. Yeah, it's probably true, about that which doesn't kill you and all, at least in this case. Which is good to remember.
4:41 PM, September 16, 2008
hired!!
5:50 PM, September 16, 2008
heatherfeather can punch them for me too! (actually i'm closer in location -- i can do my own punching!!) this p*ssed me off and broke my heart at the same time. :-(
7:02 PM, September 16, 2008
Oh dear...that is such a tough one.. I will tell you someday some stories about my Mom...two in fact but the most important thing you can do for him is just tell him all the ways he is good and worthy and wonderful...like you did..and like you do! You are a great Mom for him...and well those other boys are to be pitied cause they may not get to know him...
9:33 PM, September 16, 2008
a friend has a son who's playing middle school football -- since he's big for his age, they have him playing with kids in 8th grade even tho he's only 11.
after a hard day doing poorly in front of everyone at a new position, a cpl of the older boys were laughing at him; one said "hey Johnson, did your mom make you play football?"
not quite the same as being deaf, i realize, but i think harrassment & mockery goes on everywhere all the time, and your #2 is lucky that he has such support and love to come home to, and such a fundamentally healthy outlook on life.
also, i understand your desire to tear up anyone who messes with your kid. i feel the same way.
2:56 PM, September 18, 2008
It definitely goes on everywhere, and I wish my son could SEE that it's not just him---that it's universal, etc., and that it's not about him being deaf. He'll realize it I suppose, but kind of a bummer thing to have to feel good about, huh: hey, kids are mean jerks to everyone; not just me! Sigh.
3:08 PM, September 18, 2008
Oh, this just made me nauseous and I'm tearing up. Please give him a BIG hug from my boy and I. I worry SO much about the teasing from other kids that I know is coming. I can't get half the adults in our life who use the word "retard" to stop, let alone all the kids they're raising. Which is my personal battle. Anyway. I feel your pain, and his too. That his heart broke for ONE second is so disappointing. People need to teach their kids from a young age that it is NEVER okay to poke fun at someone's disability, no matter what it is. It's disgusting that it takes parents like you and I to teach the PARENTS! I'll come punch them all in the head FOR you.
9:50 AM, September 20, 2008
I know, Sonia, and I think about you and Bugga a LOT!! How is he doing?? I hope that you're all well. Would be so great to read some updates but I know that's not possible right now....hang in there, tho. He's going to do great cuz he's got a great foundation, a great safe home base.
5:42 PM, September 20, 2008
me and heatherfeather will jump them after school.
8:38 AM, September 23, 2008
thank you. and could you just check in every week or so and do a sweep of the place? thanks.
9:06 AM, September 23, 2008
We have been gone so I just now read this blog. It makes my blood boil. I wish I could have been there! I would have given them some points to ponder and gotten their names and addresses and gone to their parents! I am GRANDMA!
9:50 PM, September 25, 2008
yeah! don't mess with grandmas!
10:15 PM, September 25, 2008
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