An Uncommon Enemy

So I've gotten to where, when I see my sleep machine (CPAP machine), I want to kick it. It's become the enemy in a way. I try to use it, it bothers me all night, I fuss and fiddle with it....and often I wind up not using it after all. My two options seem to be: 1) not use my machine and sleep all night without waking up BUT not get any decent quality of sleep. Or 2) use (TRY to use) my machine, wake up throughout the night to adjust something but possibly get decent quality of sleep in the times I'm sleeping. I can't decide which one to go with. Last night I couldn't seem to get past the mental claustraphobia of having everything on me. Usually I'm so tired I'm able to just fall asleep and bypass the mental game.

SO...Nothing seems to work and I can feel the effects of it all eventually. Tiredness, headaches, disconnected feeling with everything around me, lack of patience.....the list goes on. I've tried a different mask, I've tried a chin strap----let me tell ya, you feel REALLY attractive with everything on----but nothing's been the magic combination. I'm sick of being tired. I'm sick of something as natural as sleeping, for cryin' out loud, being so hard to manage. Somebody should just shoot me I guess and put me out of everybody's misery.

*Sigh*