Risk vs. Stupidity

There was a news item in our paper today that reminded me of a similar story I heard over the holidays. Both were quite disturbing and are unfortunately not as isolated as they should be.

Yesterday, in a neighboring town, a young man (20) waited impatiently at the gates for an oncoming train. (You already know where I'm going with this.) In his vehicle was his 18-year-old girlfriend. Several people were in front of him in line, waiting, and a couple cars were behind him. Waiting. Because that's what you do when a train is coming, when the gates are down and the lights are flashing. Drivers in others cars disclosed later that they could see he was agitated and clearly upset at waiting. Finally, he swung out of line and passed the cars in front of him toward the gates. A driver rolled down his window and yelled at the man to stop. He didn't and as he passed around the gate, the commuter train slammed into him, nearly splitting his truck in two. His girlfriend was thrown from the truck and died. He suffered serious injury and is recovering.

Several months ago, over Thanksgiving, an aunt of mine retold a happening near where she lives in Southern California. She and my uncle were driving home after dinner; it was dark---probably around 8:00 or 9:00. She was driving through town on familiar streets and decided to move one lane over on her two-lane side of the road. Minutes after she moved over, she noticed a cluster of young boys (9-12) on the street corner. One of them suddenly rushed out into the lane she had just been in. He then darted back to the corner to the high-fives and laughter of his friends. My aunt was quite upset at this and shaken, thinking about how easily she could've been in that lane, been going a little too fast, not been paying attention, etc. She got home about five minutes later and within twenty minutes, she heard sirens. She knew with certainty that something must have happened with those boys. The next day she heard that an SUV, traveling the speed limit, struck a young boy (I think he was 10 or 12) who darted out in front of her vehicle before she had time to effectively react. The impact threw the boy quite a distance into a lightpole and he later died. The parents are suing.

Yes, you read that right: the parent are suing.

Where were these parents when their kids were out wandering the streets on a weeknight at 9:00 playing Chicken? Why didn't they have their young kids home, sitting around the house or even in bed perhaps? My aunt said that regularly parents drop their kids off at the movie theater that was in the shopping center there and then come back hours later to pick them up. Not a very trustworthy babysitter.

In both these events, I can't get my mind around the utter stupidity of these people's actions. Is it a male thing, this need for an adrenaline rush no matter the risk? Is that sexist? Is it boredom? Is it a sense of being immortal? Is there simply no thought behind it? The first guy was clearly impatient. It didn't sound like a dare or a matter of wanting to see if he could beat the train for the fun of it. But what---what---could be so important that waiting five more minutes for it is too much? What is so important that it's worth risking life to get it or to get there? There's a tendency to think that what we're doing and where we're going is more important than what other people are doing and where they're going. Our schedules are hectic and we're running behind and there's no time for waiting or being careful. Or it's just a matter of stupidity.

With the young boy---the mind boggles. Where do you even start with this? I think back to when I was younger and I try to remember if there was ever any thought of doing something life-threatening just for the sheer fun of it, for the rush. Nope. Can't think of a time I ever did. I did risky things, I'm sure, and even stupid things. I don't think, though, that I weighed life in the balance and took risk instead. Are kids bored? Is the price to impress peers really that high now? Do I need to keep my three school-age boys under lock and key? Obviously there's a huge range between not living at all and making smart choices even with friends. I hope I'm instilling enough confidence and sense in my kids that nobody would be worth impressing that much. Hopefully they'll never feel it necessary to prove themselves in such a way; hopefully they'll never be so in need of entertainment that a game of Chicken would seem a reasonable solution.

I know the parents in situations such as this are in terrible pain and desolation. One assumes they have to be. But there has to be a point in which responsibility is claimed. To me, the most innocent victim really is the poor person behind the wheel. Imagine living the rest of your life with the image of that playing through your mind. You don't forget the sound, the visual, the terror. I'm sure it's a nightmare that plays over and over.

Hopefully there's even one person who reads or hears of such a thing and resolves to never be that particular statistic. Ten more minutes at the gate won't be noticeable tomorrow. Certainly not next week. Some ribbing from friends because you won't participate pales in comparison to death. Maybe new friends are in order.

It would be nice to think that stories like these won't come around again. Unfortunately, I'm sure that won't be the case.