Lose This, Pal

And on the subject of working out/weight loss, etc.:

Is there anything more annoying than the fact that a guy can think: "You know, I need to drop a few stone." He looks this way and that at his body, contemplates each side in the mirror, grimaces a bit. And poof: five pounds gone. Later in the day, he does a leg lift or two. Poof: another three pounds gone. He plays a game of basketball: five pounds. He thinks again about losing some weight: three more pounds. Gimme a break here!!!!!!! I work and work, guzzle water, carefully eat this, studiously avoid that: half a pound. An hour on the machines, an hour+ of yoga: quarter of a pound. Two weeks of this routine: two pounds. If I'm lucky.

A few days of his regime, and it's: you know, I wasn't able to wear these pants two minutes ago, but now I can. I think I've lost some weight.

Oh, really.

It sounds as though this makes me angry. It doesn't. I applaud my husband's wanting to stay in shape. I am merely intrigued by the phenomenon that he can lose weight simply by thinking about it and I can gain weight simply by breathing.

(I won't even mention what happens if a Krispy Kreme hops on my train of thought.)

So no---it doesn't bother me. Really. That's fair.